The Couch Potato Diet

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This diet is perfect for all people who want to gain weight, build cholesterol and lay on the couch, eating profusely all day long. The glutton who gave us this diet has the television remote control and portable phone close at hand so they will not be disturbed from the systematical grazing. Those who practice this type of diet generally have a hard time getting up in the morning and moving around on their feet. Personal hygiene is usually very low. Exercise is a bad word. This diet is perfect for everyone who is not concerned with his or her health. Following this diet will shorten your life span.

 

Although this diet is the choice of many, we discourage following this diet!

 

 

 Breakfast

1 lb Bacon, cooked medium rare

6 Lg. Eggs, sunny side up, fried in 4 oz. Butter

6 pc. Pork Sausage Links, cooked medium

Lg. Bowl of Biscuits and Gravy

4 Doughnuts

1 loaf white bread

16 oz. Whole Milk (to wash it all down)

8 oz. Orange Juice (to make everything balance)

 

Lunch

Meat, any type, any amount, fast food is best

Cheese, any type, any amount

1 loaf of white bread

8 oz. Mayonnaise

Head Lettuce, any amount (to make everything balance)

16 oz. Bag of Potato Chips, greasy variety

6 Pack Soda or Beer

4 pc. Cheesecake

2 Candy Bars

1 Bag of Hard Candy

Dinner

Meat, any type, any amount (60 % lean tastes best)

1 Box Macaroni & Cheese

Vegetable, (to make everything balance)

6 Pack Soda or Beer

4 pc. Chocolate Cake with frosting

1/2 Gallon Ice Cream with lots of toppings (moose droppings, cookie dough and chocolate sauce, Carmel, fudge, whipped cream, ect.)

1 Bag of Cookies (preferable the ones with lots of Partially Hydroginated Fat)

1 Box of Chocolates

 

Snacks

4 Doughnuts

2 Candy Bars

3 trips to a Fast Food Restaurant (Greasy Hamburgers and French fries with Double milkshakes or)

Excessive quantities of munchies (chips, candy, nuts and general junk foods)

 

Instructions ;

1. At any meal, you can eat until your stomach hurts or you cannot eat any more.

2. Dont eliminate anything from the diet only add to it.

3. Do not exercise it may ruin your physique.

4. Eat extra portions of foods, especially dessert!

5. Keep several TV trays by the couch; they help to eliminate extra steps.

6. Eat yourself into happiness you can only grow!

7. Indulge and Bulge.

8. Push that couch into a nice potato shape and relax!